Everyone will offer break up advice when you’re hurting, even if they don’t know what they’re talking about. Most such advice is still pretty good, as long as you know you have to take what works for you and don’t worry about the rest. But bad break up advice can do more harm than good.
How do you know the difference between good and bad break up advice? The first thing to do is look at the source.
Who is giving you the advice? Is it from your mother who never liked him anyway and now seems bent on pointing out to you every reason you should have never been in the relationship? Is it from a friend that you’ve always known was secretly jealous of your relationship?
Did you find the advice online from a site about break ups where it seemed there were lots of different opinions and helpful tips? Or did it come from a book or website by a relationship specialist who offers lots of advice aimed at helping you, rather than serving some agenda?
You know the people in your life who always seem to know what to do in any situation. Break up advice from them is probably good. And even if it’s not the greatest advice, you know their desire is to help you feel better. They don’t have a hidden reason for offering up certain ideas.
Someone who didn’t like your ex, didn’t like that you were in the relationship, or is a little jealous of you for some reason might offer advice that makes them feel better. But they’re really not going to be that concerned with helping you.
For instance, one of your closest friends might give you advice and tell you that you throw away everything he ever gave you. And maybe you’re angry and that seems like good advice to you. But if you know or even suspect that the friend might have been jealous of the relationship, then it’s probably bad break up advice.
In a few months when you’re feeling better about things, will you be happy about having gotten rid of every memento and picture? Probably not.
But the idea of you getting rid of those things might make your friend feel better because you’ll be taking irreversible steps to get rid of something she never thought you should have in the first place.
No matter how much it hurts now, the good times you had in the relationship will probably remain good memories forever. So getting rid of everything might cause you more pain in the future when you wish you had that one special picture that always made you happy.
Bad break up advice can also encourage you to move on too quickly. Or maybe they’ll advise you to do and say things to jeopardize a future friendship with your ex.
Take all advice slowly and really think about it before you act. The bad break up advice won’t feel right in the end and you’ll know to avoid it.